I’m not much of an HGTV watcher. I like the Food Network, because I like food. I eat food. I prepare food (note I didn’t say I cook. I don’t cook. I prepare. Big difference) but I don’t own a home, and can’t see myself owning a home any time soon, so HGTV is sort of a mystery to me. But a couple of weeks ago I was at my parents’ house, and my mom, who loves HGTV, had on House Hunters. After begging in vain for her to turn on Chopped, I relented and watched with her.
Friends, my life was CHANGED. I had opinions about this show. I had big, big opinions about this show. For one, I found myself snickering “Ugh I hate that style of house” to which I then relented “But it seems the market in this area only has that style, so I guess I’ll let it go this time” as if I knew anything about the real estate market in Waco, TX. I had opinions about the backsplash in the kitchen. I would have ripped the television out of the wall if they had not chosen the kitchen open to the adjoining room, I mean, are we living in the Dark Ages? Everyone knows that open kitchens are the way to go.
Everyone knows this, I sulked, as if I had the slightest clue as to what I was talking about.
And I realized something as I chattered over the show, much to my mother’s delight, the reason I had all these very very important opinions about House Hunters was that there is something about the purchase of a home that sits very deeply in our psyche. Even those of us who have never owned a home dream of the perfect abode, that perfect house that we will have as our own, to perhaps raise a family, with all the creature comforts that come along with having a home of our own. I dream of a big (open, of course) kitchen, and a sun-filled bedroom with a big bed and tons of useless throw pillows arranged just so. I’ve never had those things, but that doesn’t mean they’re not perfectly thought out in my head. That’s the appeal of these shows on HGTV, and why the channel is so popular. We all have that dream home, and when the couple on House Hunters doesn’t choose the house we would have chosen, we get angry! How dare they not share our vision! They probably don’t even dream of jewel toned bedding and all those incredibly beautiful and useless throw pillows. Heathens.
So consider me a fan of House Hunters. I’ll probably keep watching Chopped instead, but whenever I get wistful about the perfect cottage with an open kitchen and the sun filled bedroom with the jewel tones and the pillows, I’ll tune in to HGTV. And I’ll continue to yell at the people on the show, because they’re not me, and I’m not finding my dream house, and these chumps have the opportunity and they can’t even envision the perfect backsplash.
How dare they.